Metaplanet Inc. (Tokyo Stock Exchange: 3350 / OTCQX: MTPLF), in the shadowy arithmetic halls of Japan, announced—without apology, with no trembling of voice, with the cool efficiency only institutional suits can muster—a fresh acquisition: 1,241 bitcoin clutched to their chest like a political prisoner counting the days (and sometimes coins) on the wall. This relentless march—call it “Bitcoin Treasury Operations” if you must, as if bureaucracy ever made hoarding less obsessive—brings their sacred hoard to 6,796 bitcoin. Six thousand seven hundred and ninety-six! There is a temptation here to wonder if they are stockpiling for winter…or for the next five-year plan.
The latest grab bag came in at an average price of 14,848,061 yen per bitcoin (that’s approximately 18.426 billion yen—who’s counting? Oh, right, the auditors). Each trade at this scale echoes down the concrete corridors, where someone, somewhere, is probably plotting a commemorative stamp.
Yield? If you want salvation, maybe go to church, but if it’s numbers you crave, Metaplanet delivers: a miraculous BTC Yield of 41.7% from July to September 2024. It’s enough to make even the hardiest prisoner in the gulag question if their labor could be so productive. But wait—October to December 2024: 309.8%! What kind of arithmetic is that? Is it financial enlightenment or merely the fever dream of a yen-rich institution? Still, January to March 2025 decided to keep things sober (relatively) at 95.6%. As of the current quarter (April to May 12, 2025), yield’s at 38%. Someone making these charts deserves a medal—or at least a day off and a cup of contraband vodka. 🥃
Somewhere, Satoshi is laughing, or perhaps weeping, as coins change hands with all the solemnity of a five-year plan report being stamped: “APPROVED.” 🍻
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2025-05-12 11:13