Michael Saylor Taunts the Law, Stocks Up on Bitcoin, and Loses Billions (Casually)

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If there were ever an Olympic event for dropping cryptic hints, Michael Saylor would collect more gold than Fort Knox. The newly minted CEO of “Strategy”—formerly known as MicroStrategy, until, presumably, the marketing team ran out of syllables—has declared (or mumbled) that another Bitcoin feeding frenzy is looming. How did he do it? With that clarion call of the digital age: a random post on X, featuring a chart and the immortal words, “Nothing Stops This Orange.” 🍊

In case you’re imagining a citrus-themed PowerPoint, rest easy: it was all about Bitcoin. As it turns out, Saylor’s minimalistic tweets aren’t just a minimalist’s dream—they’re the sort of deep-code his devoted followers read like ancient runes. Today, Strategy sits on a mountain, more than 592,000 BTC high, worth something in the neighborhood of $60 billion. That’s almost enough for a decent apartment in Manhattan, or at least a parking space. With Bitcoin just shy of $101,000, the faintest movement of Saylor’s thumbs can send prices skyward and blood pressures upward.

Michael Saylor, Crypto Oracle or Twitter Fortune Cookie?

Saylor’s mysterious “Nothing Stops This Orange” is like the Bat Signal for Bitcoin maximalists, sending them into a cheery froth of speculation. This is hardly his first rodeo; he’s been teasing grand purchases at market dips for ages, sometimes with nothing more than an emoji and a glint of mischief.

Nothing Stops This Orange

— Michael Saylor (@saylor) June 22, 2025

If past is prologue, expect the next volcanic eruption of Bitcoin purchases before you finish your coffee. Traders are glued to his feed, hoping to spot the next buying stampede before Wall Street catches up. It’s like watching an eagle circle a field mouse—if the eagle wore crisp suits and the mouse was $5 billion in digital currency.

Lawsuit? What Lawsuit? 🍿

Alas, not everything is orange sunsets and blockchain dreams. Just last Friday, a disgruntled shareholder lobbed a lawsuit grenade in a Virginia federal court. Enter Abhey Parmar, whose complaint singles out Saylor, CEO Phong Le, CFO Andrew Kang, and four board members for allegedly treating their fiduciary duties the way toddlers treat vegetables: with determined avoidance.

The suit claims the execs “made materially false and misleading statements” about a January accounting change, conveniently glossing over Bitcoin’s tendency to swing more wildly than a hippie at Burning Man. Before Q1 results dropped, the team may have been handing out rose-tinted glasses.


How to Lose $6 Billion in Your Spare Time

Speaking of wild swings, let’s talk about that shiny new accounting rule from the Financial Accounting Standards Board (it sounds made up, but I assure you, accountants dream in Excel). The rule lets companies tag their crypto to the latest market price—a euphemism for “you can now see how much you lost in excruciating detail.”

For Strategy, this turned into a $5.9 billion unrealized loss on Bitcoin. The stock promptly did its best impression of a gravity experiment, dropping nearly 10% in mere days. Investors were presumably wishing for milder hobbies, like volcano diving.

Executive Stock Sales: Timing Is Everything

In a stroke of impeccable timing—coincidence, surely—the suit also points out that execs managed to unload almost $32 million in stock just before news of the loss broke. Parmar suggests these sales occurred while prices were “artificially inflated,” which, in finance, is roughly analogous to selling umbrellas minutes before it pours.

Still, the story isn’t all doom and lawsuits. Strategy shares have dusted themselves off, darting up almost 28% year-to-date. Evidently, investors have decided they quite like wild rides (and perhaps oranges). In the saga of Michael Saylor, nothing—neither lawsuits nor accounting carnage—can stop this orange.

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2025-06-23 16:16