Millionaire Torches Fortune Claiming Machines Are in Our Heads 🧠🔥

In the gray dawn, under a pale and indifferent sky, an Ethereum user struck a match of madness and burned 500 ETH, a sum so gargantuan it could buy happiness for a small village—or at least three decent shacks in Moscow. The reason? To warn about the menacing specter of “brain control.” Yes, it seems not even one’s own skull is a safe retreat these days. 🧠

The enigmatic cry for help, composed in Chinese, debuted at what some would call the ungodly hour of 6:39 a.m. UTC. A lamentation, or perhaps an accusation, followed: Feng Xin and Xu Yuzhi, commanders of the hedge fund Kuande Investment, were accused of deploying brain-machine weapons. If Gogol taught us anything, it’s that life grows richer with absurdity—but this? Peak absurdity.

“Even they themselves are under control,” the message proclaimed. A hedge fund that dabbles in quantitative trading while allegedly orchestrating Orwellian mind games? One imagines the performance review meetings must feel like Dostoevsky rewrites Kafka.

A transaction burned like dreams of ETH wealth

The user flamboyantly torched the 500 ETH (a hefty $1.38 million) by sending it to what is fondly called a null address—home of the “none shall pass” club for cryptocurrencies. Permanently gone, as if thrown into a bonfire only Dostoevsky could adequately capture.

Oh, but wait! This isn’t a one-time extravaganza. The mysterious burner has lit up the Ethereum network before, expending 603.38 ETH (an affordable $1.67 million, you know, pocket change) with paranoid pleas. On February 15—Valentine’s Day’s awkward cousin—they burnt another 70.36 ETH ($194,000), lamenting how animals are now the “puppets of digital machines.” At this rate, the city pigeons will unionize next. 🐦💻

In an adjacent twist, the same wallet has dropped endless gasps of ETH gold into WikiLeaks’ coffers—711.52 ETH ($1.97 million) in this, our tragicomedy of blockchain philanthropy. Today, with dramatic flair worthy of a Chekov stage direction, they contributed a dainty 591.62 ETH ($1.63 million) while airing grievances about the mysterious “Hu Lezhi.”

“Since his birth,” the message sobbed, “Hu has been shadowed by a clandestine brain-control group.” The ode concluded with a disturbingly grim farewell: “These past two years have been very painful; I am without dignity. I have decided to end my life.” Harsh words for a soulless block of distributed ledgers, don’t you think?

And yet, as though the gears of satire weren’t grinding loudly enough, another donation shared breathless allegations of brain-machine chips secretly orchestrating military strategies. Allegedly, global powers are now dangling citizens like marionettes. War and peace? Nah, it’s war by neural implant now. The wallet, meanwhile, has danced across cyberspace, distributing over 1238 ETH ($3.4 million) with all the emotional restraint of a Chekhovian hero despairing at the dinner table. 🍷

One can only wonder if the Ethereum user’s soul is burning as brightly as their crypto—or if, as Uncle Vanya might sigh, it’s all just “tedious and sad.”

2025-02-17 19:36

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