On an ordinary Thursday—if there ever was such a thing in Washington—an attempt to pass the illustrious GENIUS Act crashed and burned, much like Icarus in a feathered DAO. The procedural Senate vote on stablecoin regulation emerged as a tragic comedy, laden with eleventh-hour Democratic melodrama and desperate pleas for “just one more week” to read the script. Republicans, meanwhile, recited their lines with all the subtlety of a matinee actor waving an empty vodka bottle.
Forty-eight to forty-nine: the score by which two rebellious Republicans joined the Democratic chorus of “nyet!”—leaving the bill DOA on the political stage. Both parties, in theory, adore crypto as fervently as they loathe actually cooperating. Yet, the spectacle raises an eternal question: can digital fortune unite a Senate whose chambers creak under the weight of suspicion? Or is the blockchain fated to be the latest casualty in the endless Russo-American war of paperwork?
But wait—Marta Belcher, a blockchain legal maestro, declared to crypto.news with the bravado of a 1920s magician:
“I think it’s a misconception that crypto has become partisan. Many people on both sides of the aisle support crypto. I don’t think crypto is a partisan issue, just like ‘the Internet’ isn’t a partisan issue. I don’t think, in 2025, either party can be ‘anti’ an entire technology if they’re thinking seriously about America’s future.”
Alas, if Miss Belcher is correct, then the only thing Democrats and Republicans universally share is the inability to agree on anything, including what they disagree on.
Peering through the murk, we spot former President Trump’s memecoin (delightfully named “Official Trump,” because imagination is for the weak). Trump and his familial comrades are making so much DeFi dough, it’s practically a new branch of government. Even Professor Scott Galloway, who knows his way around a bubble, told CNN: “The potential here for grift is just unprecedented.” Unprecedented! Is that the sound of giggling oligarchs I hear?
Senator Warren, never one for subtlety, waved her banner: ban sitting presidents from raking in crypto cash. The subtext? Trump. The method? Awkwardly offering “exclusive interactions” with collectors of his digital portraits (collect ‘em all!).
Crypto in the Biden Era
Enter President Joe Biden, sporting the furrowed brow of a man allergic to blockchain. Biden’s reign saw Coinbase strut onto NASDAQ, while the ever-skeptical Gary Gensler grudgingly allowed Bitcoin ETFs—though only after a delay so lengthy many thought he’d been abducted by Satoshi himself.
Crypto titans wailed about “Operation Choke Point 2.0,” a bureaucratic fever dream with the FDIC and DOJ stacking paperwork to Everest heights. Complaints soared, but so did SEC lawsuits—Binance, Coinbase, Gemini, and Genesis all took turns in the regulatory dunk tank. Gensler believed most coins were “unregistered securities,” making innovation about as welcome as a drunken bear in a porcelain shop (and current SEC officials now call them “collectibles” or “commodities” with the same confidence as a pickpocket in a cathedral).
Trump’s SEC then strolled in, tore up the lawsuits, and sauntered out whistling. Democrats, meanwhile, donned their risk-management capes, convinced voters prefer careful boredom over the thrill of unchecked digital anarchy.
Van Jones, possibly between takes for a Netflix special, warned Democrats: with 50 million crypto-holders, booting them is “not smart.” But as every Russian satirist knows, logic is rarely invited to the party.
CNN host @VanJones68 says, “Democrats ran people out of the party on crypto. 50 million people bought crypto. It’s a bet on a better future”
— Documenting ₿itcoin 📄 (@DocumentingBTC) January 6, 2025
Democrats and Crypto Today
A week of negotiations that felt like seven years. The GENIUS Act, proposed to herd stablecoins into the American barn, flopped before it could even moo. Republicans, triumphantly ordering champagne, told Democrats to sign-or-die. Democrats asked for a week; Republicans said, “How about five minutes?” In the end, neither side got what they wanted, except perhaps fodder for campaign emails.
Twitterverse (or whatever dystopian name it’s called now) chimed in with blame for Democrats, who, according to some, spend their days concocting ways to foil Republican dreams.
The reality is that the genius act is actually not even a crypto bill if you really boil it down (must be non-yield bearing, BSA compliance etc), and the democrats still hate it—
You really begin to wonder what they stand for
— Jeff Park (@dgt10011) May 5, 2025
Senator Warren, in yet another plot twist, declared the bill unfit: basic “corruption guardrails” were missing, and The New York Times reported the specter of Trump’s family cashing in $2 billion from stablecoin deals involving Abu Dhabi. Chainalysis, not one to miss a party, found 58 wallets with $10 million apiece from Trump’s coin—a staggering $1.1 billion—while 764,000 forlorn dreamers nursed their losses in silence (and probably vodka, if Bulgakov taught us anything).
Senator Blumenthal, crusader of all things upright, donned his investigative monocle and demanded records from any business related to the Official Trump token. “Unprecedented, pay-to-play!” he cried, perhaps while shaking a fist at a passing blockchain.
This is the message Democrats need to hammer:
While Trump and his family are making hundreds of millions of dollars in their crypto grifts corruptly selling access to the presidency, he’s raising prices on Americans, telling us to ration dolls, and decimating small businesses.
— Ahmed Baba (@AhmedBaba_) May 8, 2025
Democrats scrambled to add anti-Trump amendments. None succeeded. The Republicans, meanwhile, gazed at the ceiling, humming crypto lullabies. Gasp! Was this “caught up in other issues,” as Sen. Lummis mused? (Yes. It’s always caught up in other issues.)
Crenshaw’s Take
SEC Commissioner Caroline A. Crenshaw, clutching her “common sense” briefcase, continues to see crypto as an unruly security. Deregulation? Not on her watch! Her term draws to an end, but her spirit—somewhere between Kafka’s Inspector and a hyperactive harbormaster—may yet linger into 2025.
If anyone wonders what the crypto industry will face in 3.5 years, if the Democrats win, read this dissent:
TLDR – FAITH in the legacy of regulation by enforcement heralds a return to the Biden policies.
THAT is why legislation is SO IMPORTANT.
— Dave W (@daveweisberger1) May 9, 2025
But Miss Belcher’s prophecy of crypto’s nonpartisan destiny may yet bear the fruit of poetic irony. Republicans crow about progress, while some quietly shudder at Trump’s memecoin fiesta; Democrats brandish risks and call for safeguards to save the world—preferably before lunch.
And so the crypto bill dies, mourned by partisans, meme traders, and the occasional stray cat wandering the Senate chambers. But do not despair! In the world of politics, a dead bill is merely an undead bill awaiting resurrection. 🤷♂️🐱💻🐄
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2025-05-10 19:58