The Great Crypto Circus: Proof, Politics, and Presidential Puffs!

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Crypto Wallets, Political Vaults & a Dash of Dickery: The Latest in Bitcoin Mischief!

Bitcoin Vault

In a move that might make a gold bug’s monocle pop out, Twenty One, the Bitcoin infrastructure firm run by none other than Strike’s neck-beard-in-chief Jack Mallers, has proudly launched its Proof of Reserves (PoR) protocol. Apparently, they’ve stacked over 42,000 BTC in a vault – because what’s more fun than digital gold, right? 🌐

Crypto Magic

The vault reveals holdings from the usual suspects—Tether, Bitfinex, and SoftBank—who seem to be playing at hide and seek with their Bitcoin pockets. Because transparency in crypto is like a unicorn in a haystack: rare, magical, and a little bit confounding.

Twenty One Capital Boasts On-Chain Reserves Backed by Tether, Bitfinex, and Friends

According to the brave and foolish Mallers, their holdings break down as 14,000 BTC from Tether, 7,000 from Bitfinex, and a generous helping of 10,500 BTC pledged on behalf of SoftBank. Oh, and a shiny $100 million funding round in convertible bonds added a tidy 5,700 BTC into the mix. Because who doesn’t love a good treasury-sized magic trick? 🎩

Twenty One’s Proof of Reserves is live.

Anyone in the world can now audit and verify that we own the #Bitcoin we say we do.

You can’t do this with gold. #Bitcoin is the best money in human history.

At Twenty One, we are bringing #Bitcoin to the capital markets.

— Jack Mallers (@jackmallers) June 4, 2025

This spectacle comes as the crypto community grapples with the increasing mystery surrounding wallet transparency, which is roughly as clear as mud—except mud can’t be hacked, so maybe that’s an upside?

Some fans cheer for Twenty One’s brave new world of openness, while others, like Jacob King of WhaleWire, are throwing shade faster than a solar eclipse.

“99.99% of it [was] sent to them by… Tether and Bitfinex. This market is all fake. Anyone who can’t see that is lying to themselves,” wrote King.

His point: market manipulation galore, with Tether minting and Bitcoin prices doing a dance of the sugarplum fairy during downturns. Because, apparently, in crypto, numbers are more like cryptic puzzles than solid facts.

Yet, many say this sets a new gold standard for Bitcoin treasuries, making Saylor’s secretive stance look, well, a bit passé. Pressure is on!

“I like it. Pressure is on Saylor!” chimed Dr. Julian Hosp—probably between sips of coffee and sleepless nights.

Saylor, MicroStrategy’s (or Strategy’s, apparently) erstwhile kingpin, has been playing hard to get with wallet disclosures, arguing it’s akin to handing out the keys to Fort Knox. But seemingly, the crypto gods have other plans, with Arkham Intelligence poking around MicroStrategy’s wallets like a nosy neighbor at a garden party.

This has led to more than a few eyebrow raises, whispers of market manipulations, and the ever-present fear of a sudden sell-off—because nothing says “trustless” quite like being able to see exactly who’s selling what to whom. 🧐

Trump Media Throws a Bitcoin Party — and Invites the SEC!

Meanwhile, across the political playground, Trump Media & Technology Group, or TMTG for shorthand (because who doesn’t love a good acronym), files a whopping $2.3 billion Bitcoin vault plan with the SEC. Yep, Uncle Sam’s little show is getting a digital makeover, folks. 🇺🇸💸

— Mario Nawfal’s Roundtable (@RoundtableSpace) June 5, 2025

This isn’t just a cozy piggy bank—oh no—it’s a full-blown “great big deal” with fifty investors aiming to turn TMTG into a Bitcoin-powered fortress of independence and… well, more money. Because what’s life without a little corporate crypto bling? ✨

The Securities and Exchange folks spilled the beans, showing off plans to buy, sell, and maybe even do a little dance with 56 million shares and nearly 29 million more in convertible notes. Fancy. Fancy enough to make Bitcoin’s old-timers clutch their pearls.

In the press release, the company proclaims this is “one of the largest Bitcoin treasury deals by a public company”—probably because they want to be the coolest kid on the blockchain block. 🚀

CEO Devin Nunes (no jokes, that’s his name) said it’ll give TMTG the “capital, assets, independence, flexibility, and security” to rapid-fire their way to whatever dreams they’re dreaming—probably one where politicians tweet less and invest more.

And just to keep everyone on their toes, they’ve scheduled a “universal shelf”—think of it as a digital vending machine—they can stock up on securities “at any time,” for whatever the political or financial weather forecast might call for. 💼

Despite all the grand plans, the company insists they don’t actually plan to issue new securities immediately. But hey, better safe (or sneaky) than sorry, right?

As the world heaves a collective sigh and Bitcoin becomes increasingly the adult in the room, the call for transparency is louder than a conspiracy theorist’s lunatic ramblings. Whether it’s vaults, filings, or the rare sight of someone showing their wallet, Bitcoin is doing its best to become just another part of the grown-up financial circus. 🎪

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2025-06-06 11:04