The Great Crypto Show: Binance, Coinbase, and Deribit

Ah, welcome dear reader! What a delightful spectacle we have this week in the world of digital coins. Ethereum graces us with a Pectra activation, Coinbase makes some bold moves, and Binance… well, let’s just say they’re playing the pardon game. Sit back, relax, and let’s dive into this wondrous carnival!

CZ embarks on his Trump pardon quest

Changpeng “CZ” Zhao, former CEO of Binance (now a free man after four months of living the prisoner’s life), has started the process of asking President Donald Trump for a pardon. Who needs a clean slate when you’ve got a pardon, right? 😏
In an exclusive chat with Farokh Sarmad of Rug Radio, CZ cheekily dismissed rumors that he was offering Binance.US equity in exchange for his freedom. No, not at all, just a casual “I did my time” approach. 🤷‍♂️

Coinbase buys Deribit, Armstrong says ‘no thanks’ to Saylor’s boldness

In a rather curious move, Coinbase’s CFO Alesia Haas disclosed that the company splurged on $150 million in cryptocurrency, mostly bitcoin. Just a little crypto shopping spree. 🛍️
In an equally curious chat with CEO Brian Armstrong on X (that’s Twitter for the uninitiated), the two explained that they once considered pouring their entire balance sheet into crypto. But alas, wisdom prevailed… or maybe just fear of the unknown. 💸
And in another jaw-dropping twist, Coinbase shelled out a whopping $2.9 billion to acquire crypto derivatives exchange Deribit. Because why not? It’s only money. 💰
Meanwhile, MicroStrategy (or should we say Strategy?) led by CEO Phong Le and Executive Chair Michael Saylor, splashed $180 million on 1,895 Bitcoin. How quaint! They now hold 555,450 BTC. But who’s counting? 🤔

The EU’s crypto surveillance system: Big Brother is watching

In a bold, and might I say, thrilling move, Eurogroup President Paschal Donohoe announced that the EU is working on a system to track cryptocurrency transfers. Yes, you heard that right. Surveillance at its finest. 👀
Speaking at the European Anti-Financial Crime Summit (I bet that’s a real party), Donohoe, also Ireland’s Finance Minister, said the EU would apply traditional anti-money laundering laws to crypto. Well, I’m sure the crypto enthusiasts are thrilled. 🙄

Judge laughs off FTX celebrity promotion claims

In a courtroom saga that would rival any soap opera, U.S. District Judge K. Michael Moore tossed out most of the claims against celebrities for promoting the now-defunct FTX exchange. Apparently, Tom Brady, Naomi Osaka, and the gang didn’t know that they were peddling fraudulent activities. But really, who can blame them? 🙃

SEC and Ripple’s amicable settlement

And then, a happy ending! The SEC and Ripple Labs have finally kissed and made up after four long years of legal wrangling. They settled for a tidy $50 million. Not bad for a little lawsuit, huh? 💼

CFTC drops Kalshi appeal, because why not?

The Commodity Futures Trading Commission, in a move that shocked absolutely no one, decided to drop its appeal against Kalshi, the New York-based prediction market. I’m sure Kalshi’s CEO is now popping the champagne. 🍾

Doodles expands: NFTs and AI collide

The Doodles NFT project released its DOOD token on Solana this week, and if you were an existing NFT holder, you got an airdrop. 🎁 New CEO, new token – they’re shaking things up! 👾
And because that wasn’t enough, Doodles also launched DreamNet, a decentralized storytelling platform powered by AI. Who needs human creativity when you’ve got robots? 🤖

German authorities raid eXch – crypto drama alert

In an intense raid, German authorities seized servers and crypto worth a cool €34 million ($37.4 million) from eXch. Apparently, the exchange was suspected of aiding money laundering for North Korean hackers. 🌍

2025-05-11 17:05

The Great Crypto Show: Binance, Coinbase, and Deribit – Oh My!