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In a move that could only be described as audacious, if not slightly absurd, Bo Hines, the Executive Director on Digital Assets for President Trump, announced plans to hoard Bitcoin like a miser hoards pennies. The Trump administration, never one to shy away from spectacle, has decided that the future of American prosperity lies not in gold bars but in digital ones.
At the Digital Assets Summit in New York, Hines, with the gravitas of a man who has just discovered the internet, declared that the U.S. government would acquire Bitcoin on a scale so vast it would make Fort Knox blush. “It’s high time,” he proclaimed, “that our President starts accumulating wealth for the American people rather than, say, tweeting about it.”
“When people ask me, ‘How much Bitcoin do you want to acquire?’ I tell them – it’s like asking a nation, ‘How much gold do you want to have?’ The answer is as much as possible,” Hines said, presumably while polishing a monocle.
The summit, held at the White House, was a veritable carnival of crypto-enthusiasts, all brainstorming ways to acquire Bitcoin without, heaven forbid, spending a dime. “Budget-neutral” was the buzzword of the day, a phrase that somehow managed to sound both fiscally responsible and utterly nonsensical.
“Just like gold, the answer is simple – as much as we can get,” Hines reiterated, as if he were explaining the concept of infinity to a particularly slow child.
As the U.S. barrels headfirst into the world of digital assets, one can’t help but wonder if this is a stroke of genius or the financial equivalent of buying a timeshare on the moon. Either way, the Trump administration is leading the charge, proving once again that when it comes to spectacle, no one does it quite like them.
Also read: Chainlink Founder to host talk with Bo Hines on 100 days of Trump – because apparently, someone thought that was a good idea.
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2025-03-19 11:35