You Won’t Believe How These Crypto Kids Got Caught! 🚨

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Alright, so a bunch of kids—most of them still in that awkward phase of life, right?—decide to become cryptocurrency bandits. Yeah, I know! Twelve more suspects thrown into the mix. All from California, probably too young to vote, but old enough to commit major crimes. They’re accused of stealing a massive 4,100 Bitcoin last August and laundering roughly $263 million. That’s right, folks, over a quarter billion. And they’re just out there acting like they’re living the dream—flying around in private jets, renting Lamborghinis, all with stolen crypto. The real question is: when did it all go so wrong? 😊

Group Faces Federal Racketeering Charges

According to the DOJ, this “highly organized” crew—most of them 18 to 22, which is just a fancy way of saying “kids with no real jobs”—are now facing serious federal charges. They threw in the towel for one guy, Jeandiel Serrano. Some are already behind bars, others maybe sipping mojitos in Dubai. You know, just your average criminals—no big deal. @USAttyPirro, @FBIWFO, and a bunch of other alphabet soup agencies are on it. Oy vey, what a mess!

Additional 12 Defendants Charged in RICO Conspiracy for Over $263 Million Cryptocurrency Thefts, Money Laundering, Home Break-Ins

@USAttyPirro @FBIWFO @IRS_CI @FBILosAngeles @FBIMiamiFL

— U.S. Attorney DC (@USAO_DC) May 15, 2025

Online Games To Real-World Theft

So these geniuses started out as just friends playing video games—probably Fortnite or whatever—you know, the usual. Next thing you know? They’re hacking databases, making cold calls, trying to convince folks to hand over their crypto access like it’s some kind of scam. And apparently, Malone Lam—big shot hacker—hacked an iCloud to stalk a victim. Very James Bond of him, right? And his buddy, “The Accountant” or “Goth Ferrari”—yeah, really—was breaking into houses, stealing hardware wallets. Nice guys, huh?

Because nothing screams “criminal mastermind” like using a stolen iCloud to track someone’s yard sale plans.

Bitcoin & Money Laundering Network Exposed

The DOJ says these amateurs laundered more than $230 million from one big score—August 18, 2024—and did it through VPNs, crypto mixers, and peel chains. No, peel chains are not a fancy breakfast—it’s just how they shuffled money around so law enforcement wouldn’t catch them. About as subtle as a bull in a china shop.

Lavish Spending On Stolen Funds

And what do they do with all that loot? Blow it on champagne, exotic cars, designer bags—probably even that $3.8 million Ferrari they rented for a single night. They bought watches, clothes, used fake IDs to rent houses, jets—basically living the kind of life we all dream about while secretly laughing at everyone who works 9 to 5. And all paid for with stolen Bitcoin. Genius? No, just reckless.

A Growing Emphasis On Crypto Security

This little mess shows us how smart kids can become criminals overnight. Hint: if you got hardware wallets, keep them locked up tighter than a bank vault. And don’t even think about trusting just multi-factor—use multi-multifactor, because these hackers are ready to pounce on your “secure” accounts. Stay alert, or you’ll be the next story on the evening news—“Crypto Kid Cracks Up.”

Next Steps In The Prosecution

Now, the whole gang faces serious RICO charges—wire fraud, money laundering—all that jazz. If convicted? Decades in the big house. The DOJ wants to send a message: you can’t outsmart the law forever, even if you’re just a bunch of kids with too much time on their hands. So, learn your lesson—or don’t. Either way, it’s gonna be a long ride for these cyber Robin Hoods.

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2025-05-17 00:14