You Won’t Believe What Bitcoin Did This Weekend (Hint: It’s Not Knitting)

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If you thought the crypto market was going to nap through Monday, well, the bulls had other plans. The top coins—those perpetual headline-hogging digital assets—spent the weekend holding onto gains like a troll hugs gold under a bridge. There was the usual post-weekend wobble, but thanks to a combination of bullish enthusiasm and a chronic market caffeine addiction, those gains are clinging on tighter than a goblin to his last sandwich. Market cap took a tiny stumble from its positively vertigo-inducing perch at $3.34 trillion, and trading volume dropped more than your phone when you realize there’s only 2% battery left. Statisticians will whisper that this might mean a quiet trading day, but we know what happens to traders who let down their guard: absolutely nothing. But they worry about it, and that’s what counts.😉

Bitcoin, Ethereum & the Top 10 Cryptos (Now With 100% More Drama!)

Bitcoin strutted through the weekend like it owned the blockchain (which, to be fair, it kind of does), tapping local highs above $105,000 while slyly lounging on $102,500 support. Ethereum, not to be outdone in the game of “Who Can Jump Higher?”, soared over $2500. XRP, ever the contrarian, did a quick cha-cha from $2.84 down to $2.4, just to keep everyone awake. Cardano was above $0.8 and looking faintly smug about it. Solana remembered gravity for a moment, slipping after that heady $180, while Litecoin, bless its little heart, achieved the vaunted ‘three digits’ and immediately started practicing signing autographs. BinanceCoin nipped over $657, and Tron, the plucky utility coin, hovered above $0.26 with all the enthusiasm of someone holding a slightly overripe banana.

Today’s Top Gainers: To the Moon and Slightly Off Course 🚀

Who needs Mondays when you’ve got Pi making a 47% leap (without even using a trampoline)? Dogwifhat sprinted up 30%, possibly powered by memes and public confusion. Kaspa had a productive day up 18.5%, and Four enthusiastically joined in, vaulting 14%—which may not sound like much unless you’ve been in the gym lately. Even the memecoins got an invite to the upside party: FLOKI, Pepe, Fartcoin (yes, it’s real, no, you don’t want to know), and the inescapably named SPX6900 all scurried upward, presumably powered by dreams, tweets, and questionable life choices.

Today’s Top Losers: Not Quite Pancake-Flipping Material 🥞

Even on a bullish day, someone’s got to be the cautionary tale. Arbitrum and Flare bravely demonstrated that “going down” can mean “up” in crypto, with over 3% upswings snatched by bears. Theta Network, Lido DAO, Optimism, POL, Near Protocol, Helium, and a couple of other tokens turned in sub-3% losses—nothing dramatic, more like accidentally putting on odd socks. With a market this excitable, expect those losses to flutter away the next time someone on Twitter predicts a supercycle.

Sentiment meters are humming with bullishness, registering a greed index of 73 (which, coincidentally, is also the average number of tabs open on a DeFi whale’s browser). Retail investors? Greedier than a dragon at a shiny pebble market. Bullish euphoria on PI and Kaspa blasted above 90%, leaving Filecoin, Cardano, and Ethereum to stand around awkwardly and brag about their own numbers at the crypto cocktail party.

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2025-05-12 10:28